It is no secret that when an individual gives up their career to become a full time stay at home parent that they can often "lose themselves". Of course this doesn't happen to everyone and some adapt very well to their entire life being made up of children and homemaking, but for many of US the adjustment is a little more difficult.
I love my job as a stay at home dad. I enjoy being with my toddler all day and all night. I love that he doesn't just want me, he needs me. Typically he falls asleep much better for me than he does mom.
I love being home in the afternoons when my 11 year old comes home. And I love getting him off to school in the mornings(even if we are fighting because he is almost a teenager).
Without a doubt I think the best part of my job is supporting my wife. I get up with her every morning for PT(even though I don't have to) and 19 out of 20 mornings I will have her breakfast ready for her once she gets out of the shower after PT. 17 out of 20 days for lunch I will make whatever she wants when she comes home on lunch break. And if she is going to be gone all day, I am sure to have a well stocked lunch tote ready for her. I tend to think of it like this, if I were the one working full time, I want to be the house husband I would want my wife to be to me. Or as my wife and I like to say, I am "THE HOUSE BITCH!".
I don't want to mislead anyone, I am not "the ultimate house husband". The house is always picked up, but rarely clean. Please don't wear white into my home.
I am ALWAYS with the 2 year old, but we have yet to bake anything or play with paint and colors. Although we have spent a good amount of time hiking down nature trails.
By the time my 11 year old rolls into the house and my wife gets home, I barely have it in me to converse with him let alone do something fun.
I annoy the crap out of my wife. I am constantly following her around like a puppy dog starving for attention.
I am also quite moody. Whether it be my stress level, my depression or the simple fact I am just plain bored, I can make Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde look like Puss n Boots.
This past Friday night my wife gave me the go ahead to go out. She got home early, we were having a light and simple dinner and she could tell I was bored. As I contemplated all the things I could go do NOTHING sounded fun. From my teens to my mid 20's I was a bowler. Not a "let's go have some beers" bowler, a 225 average "bring your paycheck so I can take it" bowler. Once I got custody of my older boy I lost that part of me. I had the chance to sub in a league that Friday night but it didn't appeal to me at all.
There were several movies that came out in the last couple weeks that I desperately want to see but the thought of sitting in a movie theatre for a few hours just wasn't gonna do it.
I thought about going to WalMart, buying a fishing pole and heading to one of the lakes, but man the thought of buying the rod, buying bait, buying tackle and organizing it and then trying to figure out where a decent spot is where I may actually catch something, that all just sounded too daunting.
I swear if I had a gun that night I would have head out into the woods and tracked things down to shoot, kill then eat. I have never been hunting before but the more diapers I change and the more times I use the word "potty" instead of piss, the more I want to get into a bare knuckle brawl with a brown bear.
So you may be wondering what I did Friday night. Well..... I sat around. And if you ask my wife she would probably say I pouted. Whatever you want to call it this is what I know, I spent more time in the last 4 days thinking about how domesticated I have become than I ever have before. Even more than while my wife was deployed. I thought it would get easier when she got home but it hasn't. If anything it has gotten harder. I used to settle for cereal for dinner but now I feel it is my duty to try to make a decent meal(well as decent as I can make which is sometimes a piece of chicken and mac n cheese).
I know a lot of women can relate to this and that is even when my wife gives me the green light to go out, most of the time I can't do it. And even when I can I am unable to check out from being Mr Mom. I am the one worrying if the babysitter is OK with my terror. Or I am the one thinking "we have to get back because he won't go to sleep til late but still be up at regular time and then be cranky." If I leave the boys with her I try not to do it for too long of intervals. Not because she isn't able to parent as good if not better than I, but because it is almost like a reflex. I hear women say all the time how hard it is for them to leave the kids with dad for a few hours without worrying even though they know he is a great dad, so I hope everyone reading this understands what I mean.
There is so much more to this blog that I want to write about. But it all comes back to one thing, I am missing the man in me.
There was a book that changed my life. When I was leading a men's group through my old church we went through a book called "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge. In it he totally captures everything I am trying to say. He explains why I am bored. Yes, he wrote the book specifically for me. Almost all men want the same thing in life. We want "a beauty to rescue, an adventure to live and a battle to fight". In other words men want that same fairy tale that women want. But we want to be the hero in the story instead of the damsel in distress(not saying women are in distress-so don't go all feminine on me). We want to be valiant and strong and courageous. We want to be Tim "The Toolman" Taylor and letting out MAN GRUNTS!! We want action and adventure. We want to hunt, kill and eat something. We want to be giant boys.
Well at least that's what I want. And maybe I am not articulating well what I am trying to say. I love my job as a parent and a husband, but DAMN IT!!! I want to go hang out with Troy Landry from Swamp People. Or I want to go hang out on the Cornelia Marie in the Pacific Ocean off of Alaska fishing for crabs.
For now.... I would settle for a weekend in a cabin. Just me and another guy or 2. We would have some guns, fishing poles and fire starter.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Be Right Back: Went for a walk
Well, today is the big day. Today I will set out on my attempt to walk 13.1 miles in the Rock n Roll marathon in Washington, DC. As I walk I will hear the song I related to so well replay itself over and over in my mind. If you would like, you can click on the play button and take a listen as you finish this blog.
That song, I Walk Alone, by Marty Robbins, country western star of yesteryear, it was well off of my radar prior to my wife's deployment. I don't remember exactly how I came across it but once I did I knew it was my deployment song.
It's great to think we have people walking with us through times that can be tough, but the truth is we do walk alone for the most part. I don't want to discount the endless amount of love and support I received from friends and family while my wife was deployed, but I had to walk alone through the lonely nights. The nights filled with tossing, turning and torment as I waited for her safe return.
If you have followed my blog for a bit you have heard that song a few times, because it really was MY song. Today it will be my song again.
I am part of the Her War, Her Voice and Not Alone:Life After War team for this marathon. In total our team is comprised of over 40 participants. Some will be on the sidelines cheering us on, most will be running this marathon, and to the best of my knowledge only one will be walking it.
For the last 4 months our team has been preparing for this marathon, both through our fundraiser to help veterans, service members and their families with mental health options and through the physical preparation of participating in a marathon. I had all intentions on making my training the thing that would transform me into a healthier me. I made plans over and over again to let this be what motivates me to create a new me. But the truth is, that didn't happen. In fact, the opposite happened.
Since I agreed to participate in this marathon I have gained nearly 30 pounds. It kills me inside to try to put on what were already a large pair of jeans and feel how much tighter they are now. I am currently closing in on my all time high with my weight at 300 pounds. I smoke a pack of cigarettes every day. I am not a runner. I am not a marathoner. I am not a person who walks for exercise. I am not even a casual walker. But I have to do this.
Each and every day it is estimated that between 16-18 veterans a day are dying. Not because of some disease. Not because of hostile fire. But because they can no longer stand the mental turmoil they find themselves in. They are taking their own lives.
There aren't any statistics about how many family members of veterans and service members are taking their own lives, but we know it is too many.
It is said that currently there are twice as many family members of our service members who are being treated medically and chemically for anxiety, depression and other stress related ailments than ever before. And I am one of them.
I have been on the brink of "giving up". I have come close to that point that I can't even get myself to write down in this blog. And that is part of the reason in all of my Kung Fu Panda likeness I will set out today to do something that could hurt me. Heck, as out of shape as I am, it could kill me if I am not careful.
The real reason I am doing this marathon today actually has little to do with me. It has to do with those who may not have the strength and resources I have been given. While I have walked alone in my darkest hours, there was always someone right there within arms reach. I would say 8 out of 10 times that someone was Melissa from Her War, Her Voice. She told me it was OK to feel the way I did. She and her business partner Christina have used their website and blogs as a tool to not only reach me, but thousands of other military spouses and family members. I can only imagine what this next chapter will look like that we are together writing through this fundraiser.
Today I will take each step for those who may not be able to. Today I will walk alongside anyone who has been "at that point" where enough was enough and were ready to end it all. Today I will walk for all those who have come before me and all those who will follow after me. Today I will rise above....
If you are interested in making a donation to our fundraiser, click here.
If you wish to follow my progress today as I attempt these 13.1 miles, you can do so by checking out the facebook page of Army Wives Do It With*HOOAH*. Once the race begins at 8am, Jamie will be updating my progress as it is emailed to her.
I hope you will rise with me. I also hope you will consider sharing this blog this morning, Saturday,March 17, 2012.
That song, I Walk Alone, by Marty Robbins, country western star of yesteryear, it was well off of my radar prior to my wife's deployment. I don't remember exactly how I came across it but once I did I knew it was my deployment song.
It's great to think we have people walking with us through times that can be tough, but the truth is we do walk alone for the most part. I don't want to discount the endless amount of love and support I received from friends and family while my wife was deployed, but I had to walk alone through the lonely nights. The nights filled with tossing, turning and torment as I waited for her safe return.
If you have followed my blog for a bit you have heard that song a few times, because it really was MY song. Today it will be my song again.
I am part of the Her War, Her Voice and Not Alone:Life After War team for this marathon. In total our team is comprised of over 40 participants. Some will be on the sidelines cheering us on, most will be running this marathon, and to the best of my knowledge only one will be walking it.
For the last 4 months our team has been preparing for this marathon, both through our fundraiser to help veterans, service members and their families with mental health options and through the physical preparation of participating in a marathon. I had all intentions on making my training the thing that would transform me into a healthier me. I made plans over and over again to let this be what motivates me to create a new me. But the truth is, that didn't happen. In fact, the opposite happened.
Since I agreed to participate in this marathon I have gained nearly 30 pounds. It kills me inside to try to put on what were already a large pair of jeans and feel how much tighter they are now. I am currently closing in on my all time high with my weight at 300 pounds. I smoke a pack of cigarettes every day. I am not a runner. I am not a marathoner. I am not a person who walks for exercise. I am not even a casual walker. But I have to do this.
Each and every day it is estimated that between 16-18 veterans a day are dying. Not because of some disease. Not because of hostile fire. But because they can no longer stand the mental turmoil they find themselves in. They are taking their own lives.
There aren't any statistics about how many family members of veterans and service members are taking their own lives, but we know it is too many.
It is said that currently there are twice as many family members of our service members who are being treated medically and chemically for anxiety, depression and other stress related ailments than ever before. And I am one of them.
I have been on the brink of "giving up". I have come close to that point that I can't even get myself to write down in this blog. And that is part of the reason in all of my Kung Fu Panda likeness I will set out today to do something that could hurt me. Heck, as out of shape as I am, it could kill me if I am not careful.
The real reason I am doing this marathon today actually has little to do with me. It has to do with those who may not have the strength and resources I have been given. While I have walked alone in my darkest hours, there was always someone right there within arms reach. I would say 8 out of 10 times that someone was Melissa from Her War, Her Voice. She told me it was OK to feel the way I did. She and her business partner Christina have used their website and blogs as a tool to not only reach me, but thousands of other military spouses and family members. I can only imagine what this next chapter will look like that we are together writing through this fundraiser.
Today I will take each step for those who may not be able to. Today I will walk alongside anyone who has been "at that point" where enough was enough and were ready to end it all. Today I will walk for all those who have come before me and all those who will follow after me. Today I will rise above....
If you are interested in making a donation to our fundraiser, click here.
If you wish to follow my progress today as I attempt these 13.1 miles, you can do so by checking out the facebook page of Army Wives Do It With*HOOAH*. Once the race begins at 8am, Jamie will be updating my progress as it is emailed to her.
I hope you will rise with me. I also hope you will consider sharing this blog this morning, Saturday,March 17, 2012.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Am I ready for the half marathon?
So am I ready for the half marathon? Well, yes... and no.
Let's start with the no side.
The reason I am not ready to try to complete 13.1 miles is for health/training reasons. I was hoping this would be the motivation I needed to get healthier, but once again I have not put my best effort in getting into shape. In fact since I agreed to participate in this I have gained a bunch of weight. So much weight that I am now just a few pounds short of the most I have ever weighed.
I went back to my Dr this week who has been helping me with my depression and struggles with sleeping. Thankfully since my wife came home my depression and anxiety has pretty much disappeared. I still have a very hard time with my sleeping and need something to help me get a good night's sleep.
When my Dr and I first started talking he was relieved that I wasn't having depression like symptoms anymore. But my weight was a concern. Especially because of all the weight I have gained since I last saw him.
After talking about my depression I asked him what he thought about my participation in this half marathon. I was hoping to hear him say "this will be good for you". But instead he said "I am not sure I like the idea very much. It may not be a good idea."
I of course asked why and he said because of health reasons. I asked what specifically and he more or less is concerned about my lower body(specifically getting shin splints) being able to carry the load. I asked about my heart and that aspect and he said he wasn't as much worried about that part. Shin splints, I have had those before, so I can deal with that.
I wish I had been able to find it within myself to really train for this, but I have not been able to. My weight is so much of a struggle that my Dr and I even talked about Gastric Bypass Surgery(yes... I actually qualify for that).
I may not be physically ready for this half marathon, but mentally, I am as ready as one can be.
I am mentally prepared to simply walk for four hours and complete as much as I can of the 13.1 miles. If I walk just above 3mph I can complete the course. I know that is easier said than done, but mentally I am looking at this half marathon as a comparison to life in the midst of depression. You have to just keep moving. You can't stop. If you need help, accept it. Even if it is a golf cart coming to pick me up to bring me to the rest of the pack.
I know I will have a lot of people pulling for me. Just like I did when I was struggling with depression. The only thing I hope doesn't happen is for any focus to be brought upon me. The rest of my team will finish well ahead of me, as will most likely the rest of the participants. I am hoping I can sneak into the finish line(either on my own accord or on the back of a tow truck).
I plan on blogging more about how I am comparing the way I will look at this challenge of completing 13.1 miles to struggling with depression. But for right now this is where I am at. My Dr didn't say "Don't do it", so that means I can try it, right?
If you would like to help support my effort you can make a donation with the link I am going to provide. This cause means so much to me I am willing to take my chances with whatever all that mileage can do to me.
This is the link to my donation page:
http://www.active.com/donate/notaloneteam/wayneperry
Let's start with the no side.
The reason I am not ready to try to complete 13.1 miles is for health/training reasons. I was hoping this would be the motivation I needed to get healthier, but once again I have not put my best effort in getting into shape. In fact since I agreed to participate in this I have gained a bunch of weight. So much weight that I am now just a few pounds short of the most I have ever weighed.
I went back to my Dr this week who has been helping me with my depression and struggles with sleeping. Thankfully since my wife came home my depression and anxiety has pretty much disappeared. I still have a very hard time with my sleeping and need something to help me get a good night's sleep.
When my Dr and I first started talking he was relieved that I wasn't having depression like symptoms anymore. But my weight was a concern. Especially because of all the weight I have gained since I last saw him.
After talking about my depression I asked him what he thought about my participation in this half marathon. I was hoping to hear him say "this will be good for you". But instead he said "I am not sure I like the idea very much. It may not be a good idea."
I of course asked why and he said because of health reasons. I asked what specifically and he more or less is concerned about my lower body(specifically getting shin splints) being able to carry the load. I asked about my heart and that aspect and he said he wasn't as much worried about that part. Shin splints, I have had those before, so I can deal with that.
I wish I had been able to find it within myself to really train for this, but I have not been able to. My weight is so much of a struggle that my Dr and I even talked about Gastric Bypass Surgery(yes... I actually qualify for that).
I may not be physically ready for this half marathon, but mentally, I am as ready as one can be.
I am mentally prepared to simply walk for four hours and complete as much as I can of the 13.1 miles. If I walk just above 3mph I can complete the course. I know that is easier said than done, but mentally I am looking at this half marathon as a comparison to life in the midst of depression. You have to just keep moving. You can't stop. If you need help, accept it. Even if it is a golf cart coming to pick me up to bring me to the rest of the pack.
I know I will have a lot of people pulling for me. Just like I did when I was struggling with depression. The only thing I hope doesn't happen is for any focus to be brought upon me. The rest of my team will finish well ahead of me, as will most likely the rest of the participants. I am hoping I can sneak into the finish line(either on my own accord or on the back of a tow truck).
I plan on blogging more about how I am comparing the way I will look at this challenge of completing 13.1 miles to struggling with depression. But for right now this is where I am at. My Dr didn't say "Don't do it", so that means I can try it, right?
If you would like to help support my effort you can make a donation with the link I am going to provide. This cause means so much to me I am willing to take my chances with whatever all that mileage can do to me.
This is the link to my donation page:
http://www.active.com/donate/notaloneteam/wayneperry
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Dear America, STOP praying for our troops
I know what you must be thinking... "Did I read that right? Did he really just ask America to stop praying for our troops? The same guy who typically adds a Contemporary Christian song to the end of his blog? Doesn't he write about his faith? Didn't he write a blog with the title 'Love 'em like Jesus'?
Yes, you read that right. Yes, I do use a lot of the inspirational Contemporary Christian songs that help me get through. Yes, I often times write about my faith. Yes, I did write a blog hoping my brothers and sisters in Christ would love people like Christ did.
Of course the title is being used just to grab your attention and get you to read this, but at the same time, I do want Americans to stop praying. Kind of.
The NIV version of James 2:14-17 may help you understand what I am trying to say in this blog:
"14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."
The key sentence I want to point out is in verses 15-16: "Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?"
Praying for our troops and their families is EXTREMELY important. But equally important, maybe more so, is acting upon those prayers. Or praying the correct prayer.
Of course the safety of our troops and easing the emotional burden on their families is a just prayer. It is a prayer that only God can answer. But what other kinds of prayers can be prayed?
God, how can I help a military family?
God, is there a military family in my community that could use my help?
God, where would you take me to help a veteran?
God, are there any organizations that could benefit from either my financial support or my physical presence?
God, what can I do to get involved to in a ministry that caters to military families?
God, are there any ways to find out where to send letters to wounded warriors?
God, how can I express my gratitude to a Gold Star family for what their loved one did for me? After all, it was only Your son and the American service member who died so I can be free.
OK... that last sentence is not entirely true. Many have died to give us Americans our freedom. The first that comes to mind is Dr Marten Luther King, Jr., but you catch my drift.
It is pretty much a consensus within the military community that America is out of touch with the sacrifices our service members and their families give. I think the quote that sums it up best is "America is not at war, America is at the mall(or WalMart or the ballgame). The US military is at war."
Until my wife decided to join the Army I was like most other Americans, I stood up at ball games and took off my hat and enjoyed the flyover following the national anthem. Like many Americans my support stopped at the $3 magnet I bought at the store shaped like a ribbon.
This past week I blogged about that editor from my hometown newspaper who just didn't "get it". It became apparent to myself and several others exactly how out of touch with our lifestyle that this man was. I ask him to write an article that will help service members and their families find mental health counseling, he says he doesn't see how it's a story for our community. Yet the previous month his paper wrote an article about a soldiers coin collecting hobby.
It is deeply disappointing to know the "other side" of this military life that no one wants to talk about except a select few. Just yesterday I read an article that stated in January of this year, in JUST the Army, that there were 16 suspected suicides. I don't know about you, but I am thinking that is a pretty scary number. Especially considering that does not reflect how many husbands/wives and children of soldiers may have also killed them self in that same period. It also doesn't reflect how many soldiers died while partaking it what is considered risky behavior. Risky behavior goes hand in hand with people who have been living on the edge of their seats for a year with some pretty heavy firepower in their hands.
I don't necessarily want Americans to stop praying for our troops, I just want them to readjust what they may be praying. Instead of asking God to take care of all of it, I want people to ask how they can help.
About two years ago some shared a quote with me that I fell in love with. I was sharing how I had been praying on one certain topic for quite some time and it didn't seem God was answering my prayer. After a lengthy discussion with the individual I found it wasn't that God wasn't answering my prayers, I just wasn't willing to listen to what He had to say and sometimes I wasn't praying the correct prayer. I kept asking God to fix things. My friend told me what God was saying to me, "You are praying for God to move a mountain, and He most certainly can if He so chooses, but sometimes while we are stuck asking for God to move that mountain for us, He hands us a shovel and says 'Start digging!'"
So yes America, I do want you to stop praying for our troops. Stop for long enough to do something. And when you have run out of things to do, then start praying again.
If you are right now wondering how you can do something for our military families, you can start by writing your congressman and ask them to not take away the benefits that have been given to our veterans. If changes need to be made to save our country money, let it start with new recruits, not those who have already made the choice to serve. Or you can start doing something by googling some of these organizations:
VFW National Home for Children, VFW, American Legion, USO, Fisher House, Disabled American Vets, Cadence.org, Operation Purple Camp for Kids, USO, TAPS, Operation Homefront, The Wounded Warrior Project, AMVETS, Camp Cope, Directorate of Family, Moral and Welfare and MANY MANY more. Most of which do not benefit in ANY way from the magnet that you see on cars.
And of course you can simply stop into a Veterans "home" and see the residents. Just a quick thanks, a hug and smile will do wonders.
Another great place to look is by checking out First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr Jill Biden's Joining Forces program.
You can also find out about the not for profit I am currently fundraising for, Not Alone.
If you would like to make a direct donation to my fundraiser, click on this link. It will help veterans, service members and their families find quality mental health counseling.
I do want you to keep praying for our troops. But I want you to put action behind your faith just like I shared in that scripture verse earlier. I think this song goes right along with what I am trying to say.....
Yes, you read that right. Yes, I do use a lot of the inspirational Contemporary Christian songs that help me get through. Yes, I often times write about my faith. Yes, I did write a blog hoping my brothers and sisters in Christ would love people like Christ did.
Of course the title is being used just to grab your attention and get you to read this, but at the same time, I do want Americans to stop praying. Kind of.
The NIV version of James 2:14-17 may help you understand what I am trying to say in this blog:
"14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."
The key sentence I want to point out is in verses 15-16: "Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?"
Praying for our troops and their families is EXTREMELY important. But equally important, maybe more so, is acting upon those prayers. Or praying the correct prayer.
Of course the safety of our troops and easing the emotional burden on their families is a just prayer. It is a prayer that only God can answer. But what other kinds of prayers can be prayed?
God, how can I help a military family?
God, is there a military family in my community that could use my help?
God, where would you take me to help a veteran?
God, are there any organizations that could benefit from either my financial support or my physical presence?
God, what can I do to get involved to in a ministry that caters to military families?
God, are there any ways to find out where to send letters to wounded warriors?
God, how can I express my gratitude to a Gold Star family for what their loved one did for me? After all, it was only Your son and the American service member who died so I can be free.
OK... that last sentence is not entirely true. Many have died to give us Americans our freedom. The first that comes to mind is Dr Marten Luther King, Jr., but you catch my drift.
It is pretty much a consensus within the military community that America is out of touch with the sacrifices our service members and their families give. I think the quote that sums it up best is "America is not at war, America is at the mall(or WalMart or the ballgame). The US military is at war."
Until my wife decided to join the Army I was like most other Americans, I stood up at ball games and took off my hat and enjoyed the flyover following the national anthem. Like many Americans my support stopped at the $3 magnet I bought at the store shaped like a ribbon.
This past week I blogged about that editor from my hometown newspaper who just didn't "get it". It became apparent to myself and several others exactly how out of touch with our lifestyle that this man was. I ask him to write an article that will help service members and their families find mental health counseling, he says he doesn't see how it's a story for our community. Yet the previous month his paper wrote an article about a soldiers coin collecting hobby.
It is deeply disappointing to know the "other side" of this military life that no one wants to talk about except a select few. Just yesterday I read an article that stated in January of this year, in JUST the Army, that there were 16 suspected suicides. I don't know about you, but I am thinking that is a pretty scary number. Especially considering that does not reflect how many husbands/wives and children of soldiers may have also killed them self in that same period. It also doesn't reflect how many soldiers died while partaking it what is considered risky behavior. Risky behavior goes hand in hand with people who have been living on the edge of their seats for a year with some pretty heavy firepower in their hands.
I don't necessarily want Americans to stop praying for our troops, I just want them to readjust what they may be praying. Instead of asking God to take care of all of it, I want people to ask how they can help.
About two years ago some shared a quote with me that I fell in love with. I was sharing how I had been praying on one certain topic for quite some time and it didn't seem God was answering my prayer. After a lengthy discussion with the individual I found it wasn't that God wasn't answering my prayers, I just wasn't willing to listen to what He had to say and sometimes I wasn't praying the correct prayer. I kept asking God to fix things. My friend told me what God was saying to me, "You are praying for God to move a mountain, and He most certainly can if He so chooses, but sometimes while we are stuck asking for God to move that mountain for us, He hands us a shovel and says 'Start digging!'"
So yes America, I do want you to stop praying for our troops. Stop for long enough to do something. And when you have run out of things to do, then start praying again.
If you are right now wondering how you can do something for our military families, you can start by writing your congressman and ask them to not take away the benefits that have been given to our veterans. If changes need to be made to save our country money, let it start with new recruits, not those who have already made the choice to serve. Or you can start doing something by googling some of these organizations:
VFW National Home for Children, VFW, American Legion, USO, Fisher House, Disabled American Vets, Cadence.org, Operation Purple Camp for Kids, USO, TAPS, Operation Homefront, The Wounded Warrior Project, AMVETS, Camp Cope, Directorate of Family, Moral and Welfare and MANY MANY more. Most of which do not benefit in ANY way from the magnet that you see on cars.
And of course you can simply stop into a Veterans "home" and see the residents. Just a quick thanks, a hug and smile will do wonders.
Another great place to look is by checking out First Lady Michelle Obama and Dr Jill Biden's Joining Forces program.
You can also find out about the not for profit I am currently fundraising for, Not Alone.
If you would like to make a direct donation to my fundraiser, click on this link. It will help veterans, service members and their families find quality mental health counseling.
I do want you to keep praying for our troops. But I want you to put action behind your faith just like I shared in that scripture verse earlier. I think this song goes right along with what I am trying to say.....
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Just a bit disappointed....
Last month I read an article about a war widow who feels disconnected and possibly overlooked by the general public of us Americans. She is a 26 year old woman who lost the love of her life while he was defending our nation. She is what is known as a Gold Star Family Member. A Gold Star Family Member is someone who has lost a loved one serving our country. Yet somehow the term Gold Star Family is not a commonly spoken word in our society even though thousands have given their lives leaving tens of thousdans(if not hundreds of thousands) of Gold Star Families behind. First Lady Michele Obama said recently "Not every American knows what Gold Star family is". That's a shame if you ask me.
In my last blog I touched on world icon Whitney Houston's death. I also mentioned "Cheetah", the chimp made famous by the old Tarzan flicks. I talked about how out of touch our society seems to be from the types of sacrifices our public servants make. We are too caught up in fame, fortune and Snookie to involve ourselves in honoring those who serve us.
Let me make something clear, I whole heartedly believe that anyone who is a public servant in some way, shape or form, including first responders, teachers and garbage men, they all deserve more respect and appreciation than what we show them. I think it goes without saying as Americans we owe even more gratitude to those who have defended our freedoms by serving in the military. The sacrifice's by our service members extends far beyond the reach of deployments. Service members give up countless months of memories with their families to fight on foreign soil to protect us and the countries we are working in as well as train, train train.
In some way each and every community in America is effected by the selfless service of our men and women in combat fatigues and the families that love them. Nearly every community in America there is a veteran that can be found. But since they don't go around wearing a T-Shirt that says "I am a veteran" on a daily basis, we often walk past them not knowing how they have made our lives better and safer.
In addition to the countless veterans walking around our communities there are family members of veterans and service members who stroll alongside us on a daily basis. These folks may be even harder to spot. At least with a veteran there could be a haircut, tattoo or the way one carries them self that could give a clue they are prior service members.
When I accepted the invitation to participate in the fundraiser I am doing I had VERY high expectations. I am a dreamer, I have come to accept that I have much higher hopes than what reality may offer. I had the dream that while the goal set for me was $2,000 that I could raise $20,000. I know, crazy, right? But really, how crazy is it?
I planned on using my blog as the main engine to push my part of the fundraiser since it seems hundreds reach each blog I post. I also had hopes of some other folks believing in what I am doing and pushing it with me. And so far I have done that and others have helped, but I was looking for a little something more. Something beyond my control.
In order to fully get the word out about the fundraiser I contacted two media sources from my hometown area. The first one was The Daytona Beach News Journal. The News Journal is the main written news publication of Flagler County, which I call home although it is based in a neighboring county. The News Journal is a pretty large paper so I wasn't all that surprised when I contacted them about my part in the fundraiser and didn't get a response. But I was surprised to not get the support of the "true" local paper of where I call home.
I grew up in a VERY small community. When my family moved there in 1988 it was literally a one stoplight town. Today it is a blossoming community after seeing a major boom from the late 90's until about 4 years ago. In fact it was named the 4th fastest growing county in the United States from 2000-2010. The city I called home in Flagler County, Palm Coast, was named the fastest growing city in the country during that same period. So I saw a lot of change in the time I lived there. Yet still Flagler County and Palm Coast remain closed knit, as do the surrounding communities in our county. Because of working at the bowling center we had in town for about 8 years I came to know or be known by many people. The bowling center, Coquina Lanes, was the "hot spot" for many years. It was literally one of the only places to go in town for recreation that had A/C(in case you didn't know, A/C in Florida is a must).
Having grown up in such a small community and knowing or being known by so many people I decided to reach out about the fundraiser to the true local newspaper we have, The Palm Coast Observer. The "Observer" really is a hometown newspaper. While the News Journal covers all the goings on in the world, state and local communities, our Flagler community was often overlooked because we are one county north and a much smaller county than our neighbor Volusia county. Since the Observer is a "hometown" paper reporting "hometown" stories, I thought for sure I could get them to pick up the story about my fundraiser. But I was wrong.
I emailed Observer editor Brian McMillan at the beginning of January sharing my story and the fundraiser. Within two days I received a reply from one of the Observer's reporters that Mr McMillan passed along my email to. When I saw the name attached to the reply I got really excited. It was a young woman that my family has known since she was a tiny tot. My mom was an aide in her preschool class, my family knew her family, I knew her parents from years of working at the bowling center. And if my memory serves me correctly, for one of the 300 games I bowled her and and sister watched the entire time and I told them they were my good luck charms. Her reply email was straight forward. The Observer wanted to know how what I was doing impacted the Flagler community because the stories they cover are limited to Flagler County stories about Flagler County residents.
I first tried sharing how the not for profit I am working with, Not Alone, looks to serve any veteran, service member or family member wherever they are. I was unsuccessful in my attempt to convey the message that if there is a family member who struggles with a loved one who has served or is serving in the military that they can get help through Not Alone. I also explained that even though my family lives in Kansas that we are STILL Flagler County residents. We own a home in Flagler County. Our voting rights are in Flagler County. Our roots and our families are in Flagler County. Flagler County IS our "home".
After a couple weeks of being blown off by the reporter due to the lack of connection between myself, Not Alone and Flagler County I again emailed the editor. I was once again pleading my case about how this fundraiser can help Flagler County families. But I still couldn't get my point across. I still couldn't convince him that there are families in Flagler County that would benefit from what Not Alone is trying to do.
I think I would have let sleeping dogs lie and not emailed the editor again had a tragic event not happened in Volusia County, our neighboring county that up until recently was where any Flagler resident would have to go to find any quality shopping/job options. In early February a decorated Iraq war veteran killed himself and his wife. You may remember I blogged about this in my blog "AGAIN!!! This is why I am doing it...".
The Iraq war veteran was possibly suffering from PTSD. He snapped. And it hit close to home. TOO close to home for me. I wondered if I shared that story if I could convince the editor of the Observer that if his paper would report on what I am doing that Flagler County would hear about Not Alone. And maybe there was a resident who needed guidance about how to deal with their own PTSD after being blown off or frustrated via the red tape via the VA.
The thing that makes me so supportive of Not Alone is they are thinking of the family members too. Like I mentioned in my blog about the murder suicide of the veteran and his wife, what if the wife had known she had resources available to her to deal with her husbands PTSD? Would she have been able to help him? Would she have been able to avoid the tragedy that came about?
While Flagler County is not a very large community, roughly 100,000 residents, there is certainly a veteran population there. There is without a doubt families who have been effected by the service of loved ones.
I have a good friend from Flagler County who has a son serving in the Army. He has deployed numerous times. His latest deployment was pretty rough. Both on him, but his mom also. She didn't cope with the fact her son was riding in a vehicle that was struck by an RPG and the man sitting next to her son had the RPG lodged into him, later dying. She spent countless nights without any sleep throughout the deployment, both before and after the incident. There is a chance she suffered from depression(undiagnosed). Without a doubt through correspondence with her I know she had a hard time both while he was deployed and even after he returned. This latest deployment changed him. Had I known about Not Alone during the time I was trying to walk through her struggles with her, I could have provided the resource for her. Thankfully I can now though.....
Growing up I had three best friends. These were guys that I will neither admit or deny some of the things we did together. But for sure we became men together.
One is now a vice principal of a school(possibly a principal now). One is now doing something along the lines of environmental advocacy. And one.... I don't know what he is doing.
Right around 2004 that third friend returned from having served in the Marines. When he came home he was not the kid I grew up with. He was leading a very risky life. A life that was not only hurting him, but all of us around him. At the time PTSD wasn't a household word. We were still at the beginning stage of our war in Iraq and our war on terrorism. As a society we had very little knowledge of what our returning troops were going through when coming home. None of us knew how to deal with our friend. We all tried talking to him about his drinking. We all tried convincing him he needs to slow down and stop taking so many risks. We all tried asking him why he felt the need to be so sexually active. We all watched as whatever he saw/did "over there" grabbed hold of his life.
At the time of my friends return from service I was oblivious to any of the true sacrifices our service members were making. My friend would make my stomach turn as I watched him go down hill, taking many of his family and friends with him. I tried talking to him in an intervention type of setting with others, and I pleaded with him in an individual setting. I begged him to get help, but I had no clue what he needed help with because of my ignorance to what our service members go through.
There came a point where I had to step away from that friendship because of his destructive behavior. I told him, "man, I can't stand you. You have changed. You are self destructing and need help. I have tried, you won't listen. I can't be around you anymore because it is hurting me to watch you suffer. But as much as I hate you right now, I love you. I would die for you."
That was one of the last conversations I had with him. A couple months later he moved to another state. I can only hope that he was "man enough" to get rid of the marine mentality of getting help was a weakness. If things were like this today, I could of course direct him to the VA or other agencies. But like I mentioned, their lies a few miles of red tape.
I remember having conversation with his family about him during that time I was around him. We were all worried. I remember talking to his grandfather and as we tried to figure something out, his grandfather who was a giant of a man that I grew up loving, respecting and calling grandpa too, he was crying. Grandpa was shedding tears because he felt helpless to help the boy he loved so dearly. It crushed me to watch his grandfather suffer like that. Had I known then what I know now, I could have shared with him a group like Not Alone.
I have many other stories about people in my "home" community that have been effected by a loved one serving, but this blog needs to end somewhere.
I really am a bit disappointed that the Observer chose not to run with this story. I can only hope that the tragedy that struck our neighboring county when the veteran killed himself and his wife doesn't hit my community. That is the worse case scenario. But the truth is the effects of the wars and PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury(TBI) don't always manifest in a shootout and deaths. PTSD and depression and anxiety, they effect marriages, they effect the job a parent does, they effect how someone functions in day to day life. Some never escaping the reality they now live in and being oppressed by their inability to have an outlet to share their stories and get the pain off their chest.
I am going to forward this blog over to Palm Coast Observer editor Brian McMillan. It is my last ditch effort to try to get the point across to him that it is our local communities that need to bear the burden our service members and their families carry.
If you would like to help me try to convince Mr McMillan how the struggles our service members and their families are in fact impacting every community nationwide, then you can email him here: bmcmillan@palmcoastobserver.com. We can only hope he will do the digging to find out exactly how helpful Not Alone could be to our small beachtown community. I can provide my tax statement or voters registration card to prove I am a Flagler resident, but I don't know how to convince him that we need to stand together for our service members. It is our small communities that need to stand with our veterans, service members and their families... both extended family members and those of us who are listed as dependants. If our smaller communities got the steering wheel on this ship going, just maybe the bigger communities would actually get the ship pointed in the right direction. And maybe... just maybe we wouldn't have stories like the one I started this blog off with. The one about the woman who lost her husband during the war and feels the general population has forgotten both him and her.
If you would like to make a donation to the fundraiser that benefits Not Alone and Her War Her Voice, click on this secured link: http://www.active.com/donate/notaloneteam/wayneperry
In my last blog I touched on world icon Whitney Houston's death. I also mentioned "Cheetah", the chimp made famous by the old Tarzan flicks. I talked about how out of touch our society seems to be from the types of sacrifices our public servants make. We are too caught up in fame, fortune and Snookie to involve ourselves in honoring those who serve us.
Let me make something clear, I whole heartedly believe that anyone who is a public servant in some way, shape or form, including first responders, teachers and garbage men, they all deserve more respect and appreciation than what we show them. I think it goes without saying as Americans we owe even more gratitude to those who have defended our freedoms by serving in the military. The sacrifice's by our service members extends far beyond the reach of deployments. Service members give up countless months of memories with their families to fight on foreign soil to protect us and the countries we are working in as well as train, train train.
In some way each and every community in America is effected by the selfless service of our men and women in combat fatigues and the families that love them. Nearly every community in America there is a veteran that can be found. But since they don't go around wearing a T-Shirt that says "I am a veteran" on a daily basis, we often walk past them not knowing how they have made our lives better and safer.
In addition to the countless veterans walking around our communities there are family members of veterans and service members who stroll alongside us on a daily basis. These folks may be even harder to spot. At least with a veteran there could be a haircut, tattoo or the way one carries them self that could give a clue they are prior service members.
When I accepted the invitation to participate in the fundraiser I am doing I had VERY high expectations. I am a dreamer, I have come to accept that I have much higher hopes than what reality may offer. I had the dream that while the goal set for me was $2,000 that I could raise $20,000. I know, crazy, right? But really, how crazy is it?
I planned on using my blog as the main engine to push my part of the fundraiser since it seems hundreds reach each blog I post. I also had hopes of some other folks believing in what I am doing and pushing it with me. And so far I have done that and others have helped, but I was looking for a little something more. Something beyond my control.
In order to fully get the word out about the fundraiser I contacted two media sources from my hometown area. The first one was The Daytona Beach News Journal. The News Journal is the main written news publication of Flagler County, which I call home although it is based in a neighboring county. The News Journal is a pretty large paper so I wasn't all that surprised when I contacted them about my part in the fundraiser and didn't get a response. But I was surprised to not get the support of the "true" local paper of where I call home.
I grew up in a VERY small community. When my family moved there in 1988 it was literally a one stoplight town. Today it is a blossoming community after seeing a major boom from the late 90's until about 4 years ago. In fact it was named the 4th fastest growing county in the United States from 2000-2010. The city I called home in Flagler County, Palm Coast, was named the fastest growing city in the country during that same period. So I saw a lot of change in the time I lived there. Yet still Flagler County and Palm Coast remain closed knit, as do the surrounding communities in our county. Because of working at the bowling center we had in town for about 8 years I came to know or be known by many people. The bowling center, Coquina Lanes, was the "hot spot" for many years. It was literally one of the only places to go in town for recreation that had A/C(in case you didn't know, A/C in Florida is a must).
Having grown up in such a small community and knowing or being known by so many people I decided to reach out about the fundraiser to the true local newspaper we have, The Palm Coast Observer. The "Observer" really is a hometown newspaper. While the News Journal covers all the goings on in the world, state and local communities, our Flagler community was often overlooked because we are one county north and a much smaller county than our neighbor Volusia county. Since the Observer is a "hometown" paper reporting "hometown" stories, I thought for sure I could get them to pick up the story about my fundraiser. But I was wrong.
I emailed Observer editor Brian McMillan at the beginning of January sharing my story and the fundraiser. Within two days I received a reply from one of the Observer's reporters that Mr McMillan passed along my email to. When I saw the name attached to the reply I got really excited. It was a young woman that my family has known since she was a tiny tot. My mom was an aide in her preschool class, my family knew her family, I knew her parents from years of working at the bowling center. And if my memory serves me correctly, for one of the 300 games I bowled her and and sister watched the entire time and I told them they were my good luck charms. Her reply email was straight forward. The Observer wanted to know how what I was doing impacted the Flagler community because the stories they cover are limited to Flagler County stories about Flagler County residents.
I first tried sharing how the not for profit I am working with, Not Alone, looks to serve any veteran, service member or family member wherever they are. I was unsuccessful in my attempt to convey the message that if there is a family member who struggles with a loved one who has served or is serving in the military that they can get help through Not Alone. I also explained that even though my family lives in Kansas that we are STILL Flagler County residents. We own a home in Flagler County. Our voting rights are in Flagler County. Our roots and our families are in Flagler County. Flagler County IS our "home".
After a couple weeks of being blown off by the reporter due to the lack of connection between myself, Not Alone and Flagler County I again emailed the editor. I was once again pleading my case about how this fundraiser can help Flagler County families. But I still couldn't get my point across. I still couldn't convince him that there are families in Flagler County that would benefit from what Not Alone is trying to do.
I think I would have let sleeping dogs lie and not emailed the editor again had a tragic event not happened in Volusia County, our neighboring county that up until recently was where any Flagler resident would have to go to find any quality shopping/job options. In early February a decorated Iraq war veteran killed himself and his wife. You may remember I blogged about this in my blog "AGAIN!!! This is why I am doing it...".
The Iraq war veteran was possibly suffering from PTSD. He snapped. And it hit close to home. TOO close to home for me. I wondered if I shared that story if I could convince the editor of the Observer that if his paper would report on what I am doing that Flagler County would hear about Not Alone. And maybe there was a resident who needed guidance about how to deal with their own PTSD after being blown off or frustrated via the red tape via the VA.
The thing that makes me so supportive of Not Alone is they are thinking of the family members too. Like I mentioned in my blog about the murder suicide of the veteran and his wife, what if the wife had known she had resources available to her to deal with her husbands PTSD? Would she have been able to help him? Would she have been able to avoid the tragedy that came about?
While Flagler County is not a very large community, roughly 100,000 residents, there is certainly a veteran population there. There is without a doubt families who have been effected by the service of loved ones.
I have a good friend from Flagler County who has a son serving in the Army. He has deployed numerous times. His latest deployment was pretty rough. Both on him, but his mom also. She didn't cope with the fact her son was riding in a vehicle that was struck by an RPG and the man sitting next to her son had the RPG lodged into him, later dying. She spent countless nights without any sleep throughout the deployment, both before and after the incident. There is a chance she suffered from depression(undiagnosed). Without a doubt through correspondence with her I know she had a hard time both while he was deployed and even after he returned. This latest deployment changed him. Had I known about Not Alone during the time I was trying to walk through her struggles with her, I could have provided the resource for her. Thankfully I can now though.....
Growing up I had three best friends. These were guys that I will neither admit or deny some of the things we did together. But for sure we became men together.
One is now a vice principal of a school(possibly a principal now). One is now doing something along the lines of environmental advocacy. And one.... I don't know what he is doing.
Right around 2004 that third friend returned from having served in the Marines. When he came home he was not the kid I grew up with. He was leading a very risky life. A life that was not only hurting him, but all of us around him. At the time PTSD wasn't a household word. We were still at the beginning stage of our war in Iraq and our war on terrorism. As a society we had very little knowledge of what our returning troops were going through when coming home. None of us knew how to deal with our friend. We all tried talking to him about his drinking. We all tried convincing him he needs to slow down and stop taking so many risks. We all tried asking him why he felt the need to be so sexually active. We all watched as whatever he saw/did "over there" grabbed hold of his life.
At the time of my friends return from service I was oblivious to any of the true sacrifices our service members were making. My friend would make my stomach turn as I watched him go down hill, taking many of his family and friends with him. I tried talking to him in an intervention type of setting with others, and I pleaded with him in an individual setting. I begged him to get help, but I had no clue what he needed help with because of my ignorance to what our service members go through.
There came a point where I had to step away from that friendship because of his destructive behavior. I told him, "man, I can't stand you. You have changed. You are self destructing and need help. I have tried, you won't listen. I can't be around you anymore because it is hurting me to watch you suffer. But as much as I hate you right now, I love you. I would die for you."
That was one of the last conversations I had with him. A couple months later he moved to another state. I can only hope that he was "man enough" to get rid of the marine mentality of getting help was a weakness. If things were like this today, I could of course direct him to the VA or other agencies. But like I mentioned, their lies a few miles of red tape.
I remember having conversation with his family about him during that time I was around him. We were all worried. I remember talking to his grandfather and as we tried to figure something out, his grandfather who was a giant of a man that I grew up loving, respecting and calling grandpa too, he was crying. Grandpa was shedding tears because he felt helpless to help the boy he loved so dearly. It crushed me to watch his grandfather suffer like that. Had I known then what I know now, I could have shared with him a group like Not Alone.
I have many other stories about people in my "home" community that have been effected by a loved one serving, but this blog needs to end somewhere.
I really am a bit disappointed that the Observer chose not to run with this story. I can only hope that the tragedy that struck our neighboring county when the veteran killed himself and his wife doesn't hit my community. That is the worse case scenario. But the truth is the effects of the wars and PTSD and Traumatic Brain Injury(TBI) don't always manifest in a shootout and deaths. PTSD and depression and anxiety, they effect marriages, they effect the job a parent does, they effect how someone functions in day to day life. Some never escaping the reality they now live in and being oppressed by their inability to have an outlet to share their stories and get the pain off their chest.
I am going to forward this blog over to Palm Coast Observer editor Brian McMillan. It is my last ditch effort to try to get the point across to him that it is our local communities that need to bear the burden our service members and their families carry.
If you would like to help me try to convince Mr McMillan how the struggles our service members and their families are in fact impacting every community nationwide, then you can email him here: bmcmillan@palmcoastobserver.com. We can only hope he will do the digging to find out exactly how helpful Not Alone could be to our small beachtown community. I can provide my tax statement or voters registration card to prove I am a Flagler resident, but I don't know how to convince him that we need to stand together for our service members. It is our small communities that need to stand with our veterans, service members and their families... both extended family members and those of us who are listed as dependants. If our smaller communities got the steering wheel on this ship going, just maybe the bigger communities would actually get the ship pointed in the right direction. And maybe... just maybe we wouldn't have stories like the one I started this blog off with. The one about the woman who lost her husband during the war and feels the general population has forgotten both him and her.
If you would like to make a donation to the fundraiser that benefits Not Alone and Her War Her Voice, click on this secured link: http://www.active.com/donate/notaloneteam/wayneperry
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Another celbrity is dead:Whitney Houston
I tried to put off my desire to write about the death of Whitney Houston, but I just can't shake what I have been thinking and feeling so I am going to give it a whirl. I think the best thing about me putting it off so long is I have had ample time to truly think about what I want to say.
I have read a bazillion posts about how Whitney's death is making headlines while the media and America overlook the deaths of soldiers(and the often forgotten that I can not overlook and didn't see anyone mention-police officers). I am typically the type of person who says we as Americans are out of touch with the reality of those who make sacrifices that can cost life, limb or mental well being. I am flabbergasted by the way we as Americans are so enthralled with celebrities. We have people who can throw a ball, drive a car really fast, take on a role in a movie or hit a high note that make more money in one year than any police officer, teacher, fire fighter, garbage man or service member will make in a lifetime. It's pathetic to think that people who entertain us are valued more than someone who truly enhances our lives, be it through protecting us, educating us, healing us or keeping the garbage from piling up(yes, I consider garbage men important, as lazy as so many people are could you imagine if we actually had to take our own garbage somewhere? Some people have a hard time taking it to the curb).
It really bothers me that we as Americans believe that Alex Rodgriguez of the Yankees who makes nearly 30 million dollars a year is worth the equivalant of 1,000 public servants making $30k a year(your typcial teacher, police officer or soldier). I definately think our priorities as a culture are WAY out of whack. But I can't say I agree with some of the comments I have seen about the death of Whitney.
I understand Whitney made some terrible life choices, but the insensitive remarks about her bother me. Why? Because I can kind of feel her pain. I can feel her pain because I suffer from my own addictions and demons. As do MANY friends of mine.
I am addicted to food. I eat when I am not hungry. I gorge myself on things I think taste good. I know it will ultimately be the death of me, that is of course if my addiction to smoking doesn't kill me first. I wish I could kick my addictions. But I fail miserably. Even after writing several blogs about my weight, I still can't find it in myself to give up food.
On December 28th of 2011 the chimpanzee who was made famous in the old Tarzan shows and movies died. It was headlines for a couple days. I couldn't believe how many times I saw on what would be considered reputable news outlets the story of his life and death. It makes me nauseaus to think that just three days earlier Staff Sgt. Joseph J. Altmann was killid in Afghanistan. If you are a little slow, that means while a good portion of us Americans were celebrating the Christmas holiday and opening gifts, this man gave his life on Christmas Day. And in VERY few places did this make the news. It is utterly repulsive that we do not recognize true heros more often.
Was the death of Whitney Houston overplayed? Yes, but you can't argue the fact that she had a huge impact on our world in so many ways. Regardless of the demons she battled and addictions she fought, she was an incredible woman. She did more for our world than I think any of us really know. But the things being pointed out about her were her addictions.
By NO MEANS do I believe that the state of New Jersey should have lowered the flags to half mast for her. There is no way on God's green Earth that she is more deserving of a lowered flag than any service member from the same state who gives his/her life and doesn't get the same respect. But Whitney also didn't deserve the bad rap she got.
I saw all sorts of things about her, most of which can be summed up by saying "who cares, she killed herself. Just another crackhead dead." I know she had drug issues, we all know that. But a "crackhead" is not who she was. She was someone always giving back. She was someone who allowed the dark side of her life to be seen by EVERYONE in hopes that sharing her story would help someone else.
We are always quick to judge. I am the first to admit I am judgemental when it comes to celebrities and athletes. I know many do charitable work, but gosh darn it, none are worth a few million dollars a year. Not when people are starving and living homeless. If we could stomp out world hunger and bring world peace, then I wouldn't care how much those folks make, but I am not one to believe anyone is worth living that far above anyone else.
Everyone has their own issues. We call out Whitney because of her struggles, so I say "if you are blameless, throw the first stone". Now you may not think you are blameless, but we all have our faults. We all "feed the monster of millionaires". Even Steve Jobs had his dark side. I mean cmon, do you not think he knew about how horrible the work conditions were overseas so we can have our Apple products and he can set records with the company? And now that we all know how horrible people in China have it making our technology, I don't exactly see folks saying "in the benefit of human rights I am giving up my Apple product and donating the money I save to the overworked and underpaid workers who made it". I didn't think so.
I can't stand the way we as a world are going. I can't stand MANY of the things I do. But I will be damned if I am going to talk smack about a dead person. Especially one like Whitney who I would almost bet my life wished she could escape her ghosts.
While I have read many status updates about how we shouldn't care about her death when soldiers are dying, I can't agree with it. I do care. Because I relate to her because of my own demons. I relate to her because I know she wanted better for her life and that of her child. I relate to her because she knew what the greatest love of all was. It is something that we often forget. Because it is us who are supposed to be teaching our children to keep Jersey Shore off the TV, not devote our lives to athletes and celebrities and it is our job to teach our children that the real heros are the ones who sacrifice on a daily basis and doing the types of work we take for granted. But we don't. Instead we want overplayed pop icons to steal all the thunder.
This has for a long time been my absolute favorite song. If we could hold on to these words we wouldn't have to worry about the media overcovering her death and ignoring the sacrifices of millions every day. We need to celebrate the average Joe/Jane and forget the celebrity.
I have read a bazillion posts about how Whitney's death is making headlines while the media and America overlook the deaths of soldiers(and the often forgotten that I can not overlook and didn't see anyone mention-police officers). I am typically the type of person who says we as Americans are out of touch with the reality of those who make sacrifices that can cost life, limb or mental well being. I am flabbergasted by the way we as Americans are so enthralled with celebrities. We have people who can throw a ball, drive a car really fast, take on a role in a movie or hit a high note that make more money in one year than any police officer, teacher, fire fighter, garbage man or service member will make in a lifetime. It's pathetic to think that people who entertain us are valued more than someone who truly enhances our lives, be it through protecting us, educating us, healing us or keeping the garbage from piling up(yes, I consider garbage men important, as lazy as so many people are could you imagine if we actually had to take our own garbage somewhere? Some people have a hard time taking it to the curb).
It really bothers me that we as Americans believe that Alex Rodgriguez of the Yankees who makes nearly 30 million dollars a year is worth the equivalant of 1,000 public servants making $30k a year(your typcial teacher, police officer or soldier). I definately think our priorities as a culture are WAY out of whack. But I can't say I agree with some of the comments I have seen about the death of Whitney.
I understand Whitney made some terrible life choices, but the insensitive remarks about her bother me. Why? Because I can kind of feel her pain. I can feel her pain because I suffer from my own addictions and demons. As do MANY friends of mine.
I am addicted to food. I eat when I am not hungry. I gorge myself on things I think taste good. I know it will ultimately be the death of me, that is of course if my addiction to smoking doesn't kill me first. I wish I could kick my addictions. But I fail miserably. Even after writing several blogs about my weight, I still can't find it in myself to give up food.
On December 28th of 2011 the chimpanzee who was made famous in the old Tarzan shows and movies died. It was headlines for a couple days. I couldn't believe how many times I saw on what would be considered reputable news outlets the story of his life and death. It makes me nauseaus to think that just three days earlier Staff Sgt. Joseph J. Altmann was killid in Afghanistan. If you are a little slow, that means while a good portion of us Americans were celebrating the Christmas holiday and opening gifts, this man gave his life on Christmas Day. And in VERY few places did this make the news. It is utterly repulsive that we do not recognize true heros more often.
Was the death of Whitney Houston overplayed? Yes, but you can't argue the fact that she had a huge impact on our world in so many ways. Regardless of the demons she battled and addictions she fought, she was an incredible woman. She did more for our world than I think any of us really know. But the things being pointed out about her were her addictions.
By NO MEANS do I believe that the state of New Jersey should have lowered the flags to half mast for her. There is no way on God's green Earth that she is more deserving of a lowered flag than any service member from the same state who gives his/her life and doesn't get the same respect. But Whitney also didn't deserve the bad rap she got.
I saw all sorts of things about her, most of which can be summed up by saying "who cares, she killed herself. Just another crackhead dead." I know she had drug issues, we all know that. But a "crackhead" is not who she was. She was someone always giving back. She was someone who allowed the dark side of her life to be seen by EVERYONE in hopes that sharing her story would help someone else.
We are always quick to judge. I am the first to admit I am judgemental when it comes to celebrities and athletes. I know many do charitable work, but gosh darn it, none are worth a few million dollars a year. Not when people are starving and living homeless. If we could stomp out world hunger and bring world peace, then I wouldn't care how much those folks make, but I am not one to believe anyone is worth living that far above anyone else.
Everyone has their own issues. We call out Whitney because of her struggles, so I say "if you are blameless, throw the first stone". Now you may not think you are blameless, but we all have our faults. We all "feed the monster of millionaires". Even Steve Jobs had his dark side. I mean cmon, do you not think he knew about how horrible the work conditions were overseas so we can have our Apple products and he can set records with the company? And now that we all know how horrible people in China have it making our technology, I don't exactly see folks saying "in the benefit of human rights I am giving up my Apple product and donating the money I save to the overworked and underpaid workers who made it". I didn't think so.
I can't stand the way we as a world are going. I can't stand MANY of the things I do. But I will be damned if I am going to talk smack about a dead person. Especially one like Whitney who I would almost bet my life wished she could escape her ghosts.
While I have read many status updates about how we shouldn't care about her death when soldiers are dying, I can't agree with it. I do care. Because I relate to her because of my own demons. I relate to her because I know she wanted better for her life and that of her child. I relate to her because she knew what the greatest love of all was. It is something that we often forget. Because it is us who are supposed to be teaching our children to keep Jersey Shore off the TV, not devote our lives to athletes and celebrities and it is our job to teach our children that the real heros are the ones who sacrifice on a daily basis and doing the types of work we take for granted. But we don't. Instead we want overplayed pop icons to steal all the thunder.
This has for a long time been my absolute favorite song. If we could hold on to these words we wouldn't have to worry about the media overcovering her death and ignoring the sacrifices of millions every day. We need to celebrate the average Joe/Jane and forget the celebrity.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
The difference a dollar can actually make
In this day and age we are slow to recognize what a singular "thing" can do. As Americans who have the right to vote, we underestimate the power of one single vote. Many choose not to vote because we think our one vote won't matter much. But any of us with any sort of common sense know that it may not be the single vote that matters, but when you put a lot of single votes together they make a difference. This same thought process goes for working with money.
As I am getting closer to the 1/2 marathon I am participating in while I fundraiser for Not Alone, I am being reminded how hard it is to actually raise money for something I believe in. It's hard to get your point across to others how important something can be to us.
I want to plead with all those who read this to consider making a single dollar donation. Of course if you can make a larger contribution I wouldn't tell you not to make it, but imagine if this caught on. Imagine if all of the fans of Army Wives Do It With HOOAH (AKA AWDIWH) from the facebook fan page for military spouses made a single dollar donation. AWDIWH has decided to stand with me, Not Alone and Her War Her Voice in this fundraiser. AWDIWH has nearly 13,000 "fans". If every single one of them only made a dollar donation that would equate to 260 hours of counseling services to either a veteran, service member or their family member who has been effected emotionally or mentally by the sacrifices made by our service members.
Now let's go a step further and use the "pay it forward" model. If 13,000 people made the donation then asked 3 of their friends to "pay it forward", that would be 52,000 people getting on board. Pay that forward and you jump up to 208,000(4,160 hours of mental health counseling)... and so on and so on....
I am a dreamer. I am a person who believes in people. I see those numbers and I don't see impossible, I see a challenge. So I challenge you all who are reading this to jump on board and make a single dollar donation. Then ask 3 of your friends to make another single dollar donation. Then ask them to ask 3 of their friends. WOW!
At this stage of the game it's not as much about the money for me as it is finding people to stand behind what I am doing. I am looking for encouragement. A single dollar donation would be amazing in my mind. I have had a few people make $5 donations and BELIEVE me, those donations that seem small have actually meant the most to me. It means people have taken a moment to log into the website and get involved. And that is what this whole thing is about for me. It's about putting to the front of people's minds that we need to stand with those who sacrifice so much, our service members both past and present as well as their family members.
If you would like to jump on board then check out this web page where you can make a donation:
http://www.active.com/donate/notaloneteam/wayneperry
While you are at it head over to my fan page and give me some mental/emotional support on my TheArmyWifeDUDE facebook fanpage.
As I am getting closer to the 1/2 marathon I am participating in while I fundraiser for Not Alone, I am being reminded how hard it is to actually raise money for something I believe in. It's hard to get your point across to others how important something can be to us.
I want to plead with all those who read this to consider making a single dollar donation. Of course if you can make a larger contribution I wouldn't tell you not to make it, but imagine if this caught on. Imagine if all of the fans of Army Wives Do It With HOOAH (AKA AWDIWH) from the facebook fan page for military spouses made a single dollar donation. AWDIWH has decided to stand with me, Not Alone and Her War Her Voice in this fundraiser. AWDIWH has nearly 13,000 "fans". If every single one of them only made a dollar donation that would equate to 260 hours of counseling services to either a veteran, service member or their family member who has been effected emotionally or mentally by the sacrifices made by our service members.
Now let's go a step further and use the "pay it forward" model. If 13,000 people made the donation then asked 3 of their friends to "pay it forward", that would be 52,000 people getting on board. Pay that forward and you jump up to 208,000(4,160 hours of mental health counseling)... and so on and so on....
I am a dreamer. I am a person who believes in people. I see those numbers and I don't see impossible, I see a challenge. So I challenge you all who are reading this to jump on board and make a single dollar donation. Then ask 3 of your friends to make another single dollar donation. Then ask them to ask 3 of their friends. WOW!
At this stage of the game it's not as much about the money for me as it is finding people to stand behind what I am doing. I am looking for encouragement. A single dollar donation would be amazing in my mind. I have had a few people make $5 donations and BELIEVE me, those donations that seem small have actually meant the most to me. It means people have taken a moment to log into the website and get involved. And that is what this whole thing is about for me. It's about putting to the front of people's minds that we need to stand with those who sacrifice so much, our service members both past and present as well as their family members.
If you would like to jump on board then check out this web page where you can make a donation:
http://www.active.com/donate/notaloneteam/wayneperry
While you are at it head over to my fan page and give me some mental/emotional support on my TheArmyWifeDUDE facebook fanpage.
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